Dear 17 Year Old Self


Dear 17 Year Old Nicla,

You will grow older. You will grow wiser. Sometimes people will love you. Sometimes people will not.  You don’t have to be liked by everyone. The world is full of potential. So too are you. Try. Then try again. You do not have to have the courage of a lion every day if that is not your way. It’s ok to feel afraid. It’s ok to say so. You are not invicible  but recovery is possible.
"Just as courage is the danger of life, so is fear its safeguard."
Leonardo da Vinci 
Perhaps you are a million spirits, a million ways, an unanswered question. You do not have to know everything but it’s good to know that each day brings a new sunrise. Sometimes people might misunderstand and sometimes you might misunderstand them. Seek understanding and reconciliation with people if you can. You are allowed to fail sometimes. It’s ok to feel shy. It’s ok to be so full of emotion as you are. If you are the one howling at the movies, howl. Life is too short to hold back. Some people will take advantage of these qualities, some people will benefit from them. There is suffering in the world. There is also bounding joy. Do not shy away from either place. Be giving, be joyful. Make plans. Make goals and reach them. You will. You can. Being tall is not everything. Enjoy food. Do not associate eating with guilt. Focus on activity that feels less like exercise and more like fun. Yes, that school uniform is horribly ugly but it represents an opportunity you had to learn with the good teachers and not as brilliant teachers (mostly good). Be grateful. Learning is wonderful. A sad day or a lonely day will be replaced by a better one to come. Nature is the friend to your wellbeing. Dive into that opportunity wherever possible. You are not a comparison. Try very hard not to measure yourself, your body, your uniqueness, your point of view, your strangeness  against the rest of the world. Like a lovely soul once told you in a letter….
“I think I can I think I can….. “ Keep thinking, keep feeling, DO NOT GIVE UP. Listen to the music you love often. Embrace new styles. You will get better at public speaking. You might not get better at volley ball. Okay you could because confidence and hard work is the biggest key and natural talent is a lot less of the key than what most people think it is. Dance more. Sing - even if you hit the wrong note. Play the piano more, your own way. 
You will be horribly wronged sometimes. You will be forgotten. You will be remembered. You will also find rights and goodness and space for laughing. Breathe, breathe steady as you can, let the waves of anxiety wash over your storm. Go to the beach sometimes and drink in the salty air, watch the birds fly free and imagine the next chapter. Be a believer. Be a believer in Love, as you are and have always been. If that sometimes brings disappointment, that’s ok. There is compensation in every disappointment. You will win. You will lose. You will not have the whole world on yoru side but steady as you go on, by your side is me and I will try to love you more. Keep on chugging along….

Yours Til the End


Nicla xx 

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