Mr Cocolluis and the World Tour

Dear Nixie,

It was once said that wisely and slow precedes those that stumble and run fast and that in hurriedly, behinder they may get. A thought before you jump into any such tardis?

Yours,

Mr Cocolluis

Dear Mr Cocolluis,

You seem different but the same as before but still different, without being so lost. I have no clear notion as to why you insist on returning to me but I would, on this occasion, perhaps have to agree with you in some regards. And what I mean to say is that those of US born of The Shire will not say anything unless it is worth taking a long time to say.

Yours

Ms. Nixie

Dear Ms. Nixie,

Precisely, what I mean to say is that life itself is rather wibbly wobbly, timey whimey and that truth may well have had the wibbles re the little black chictionary and claims of my whereabouts and whatabouts as the world’s greatest hoe.

Let me put it this way, if truth lived as a serrated margin of a leaflet attached precariously to one’s darling rose, perhaps not completely clear or 100 percent explicit, then it may well have come to pass that indeed my own rectitude re matters of the heart, was momentarily misplaced.

Would you be free on Tuesday for a cup of high tea, music and time?

Yours,

Mr Cocolluis

Dear Mr Cocolluis,

Goodness, Tuesday evenings I’m as busy as a ticking clock. Baby I’ll be hustling my timetable right down to the picosecond, BUT in between the list, it’s possible that possibly there actually are time tourists from the future and that I could make time for you too.

And now for Tuesday’s list:

*Very difficult code to crack

Key:

()=me

-()=not me

1.  A soiree of celestial, electrolicious roving while all spaced out man....

(On Tuesdays, I usually set aside time to catch up with tweets from NASA’s Martian Rover) 

2. Once in a lifetime deluxe spread of modish silver service

(Once weekly polishing of objet d’art tourist spoon collection with latest addition including I love Dubbo insignia) 

3. Weekly world famous pedicure, $1,250 per foot including luxurious French spring water, hand selected dead skin eating fish and many lush coatings of rare emu oil.

(Applying anti-fungal cream to ringworm between toes, specifically the hallux and long-toe)

4. Annual showering of rose petals in honour of my guest appearance at the world heritage listed Woolmer’s Estate as key Horticulturist for the Festival of Roses.

(Daily tending of small suburban garden plot with occasional butt crack on show, all depending on the right/wrong choice of pants) 

5. VIP person whenever I ask, any time, literally at the press of a button and roll out of the red carpet to Oprah Winfrey’s book club round table and as the guest author on this particular occasion, with champagne and fancy smoking jackets without tobacco

(Regular reading block to keep up to date with the latest Dragonlance books, alone with a cup of tea and a fetching pair of lint covered track pants). 

6. Guest dancer to Madonna’s troupe with legs up to the whazoo and a bongo drum bottom ready for some hanky spanky. 

 (Tape myself doing the Macarena for no other person but myself while dressed in colonial re-enactment garb because it’s probably never been done before) 

 

As you can well tell, so much to do so little time that we can do it in. My goodness it’s almost a sin and offense accepting your invitation given my VIP Diamond studded name tag, but I shall accept.

Yours

Ms. Nixie

Dear Nixie,

A fee of $89.99 will apply. I look forward to seeing you soon at my concert. The world tour is well under way. I'm assuming you followed my progress all these years gone. I thought it rather remiss of me not to offer a personal invitation. 

Yours Cocolluis

Dear Mr Cocolluis,

Oh well, of course I did. And err, well, I understood perfectly well that there would be no real date for us. Terrific, yes. I’m a modern woman. I don’t mind paying at all. Righty oh, see you soon then, with my binoculas that is. 

Yours

Nixie

Dear Nixie,

BTW what ever happened to your self help column anyway? There’s a herd of nerds out there. Surely your  work is not done here?

Yours 

Cocolluis

Dear Mr Cocolluis,

I’m afraid I was trampled you see. It’s a very long and rather unbelievable story. It started really as more of a labor of love and community service. I’m sure you wouldn't wish to read the finer print.

Yours

Nixie

Dear  Ms Nixie,

I’m sure I would in fact. So wait? You never collected a single dime or dollar as part of your online presence here? Do you understand that some VIP people came and went all at your own expense?

Yours

Cocolluis

Dear Cocolluis,

Yes, I gathered as such but thems the brakes and my life was momentarily overrun by internet trolls.I look forward to seeing your concert Coco. I'm in the dress circle.  Thank you for the personal invitation. Look out for me if you wish. Sorry to have bothered you. All the best.

Nixie.